Second Thoughts

They are not voices,
at least not loud and clear;
They are more like whispers, inquiring.
Is this what I want – the way that’s right and proper?
Walk the road previously not taken
even if seriously doubting.
I wonder.

Did I open a can of worms?
That which I should have left alone?
Like Pandora’s Box, untouched, on its own.
Rightly so, I should ignore heartfelt desire of my soul;
Reality includes not a happily-ever-after story.
After all, humor and repression
Both worked perfectly.

The masks did well
although without lasting results.
And recently has been tough, perhaps worse,
as if a point of no return, though unexpected, is inevitable;
Memories of my old life came crashing back.
Emotions felt with images seen
Like it was yesterday.

But, does it matter?
Will it truly make a difference?
Is it not only in my head, simply imagined?
Then again, true healing is possible, I know, I feel.
A future without tears for no reason,
no pretense, no fake smile;
That life is real.

A journey to the past
Will not be easy or painless
Old wound so deep will come to surface
Heart will break again, whether you like it or not
Long dead, I thought I buried the hurt
Alas, it was merely sleeping
And has now awaken.

Second thoughts, I’m having.

© Anna Jailene Aguilar

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